


Grieving Process

by LMXB



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMXB/pseuds/LMXB
Summary: Set immediately after the end of 5x16, Alex tries to make amends to Kara for her outburst.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	Grieving Process

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Supergirl or the characters. This is written purely for fun.
> 
> A/N: I started this a while ago, but have only recently found time to write it. It is dark and angsty, but there will be sister moments towards the end. This is set shortly after the S4 finale but doesn't really touch on Lena's reaction to Kara's identity.

After the service Alex approached her mother, wanting to apologise for not being there. But as she walked up to Eliza words failed her. Instead she stood in front of Eliza looking lost and uncertain. In response Eliza drew Alex in for a hug.

Finally Alex managed to say.

"I'm sorry."

"I know. The important thing is you are here now." Eliza assured her as she looked over Alex's shoulder and mouthed her thanks to Kelly, who was standing next to Kara and J'onn.

Nodding in reply Kelly turned her attention to Kara and asked.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Thank you for getting Alex to come."

"That was more her than me." Kelly said before asking. "You know she didn't mean what she said?"

"Alex was upset, when she gets upset she lashes out, normally at me." Kara shrugged.

"So you're okay?" Kelly asked.

"I'm fine." Kara assured her. "If you'll excuse me I need to talk to Eliza." She added quickly escaping.

"She's a terrible liar." Kelly commented to J'onn.

"Yes she is. But she'll be okay. She's a lot tougher than she looks." J'onn assured her, but his voice betrayed his doubts.

-00-

As the group sat around the Midvale family home Eliza and Alex shared memories of Jeremiah, while Kara sat noticeable silent off to one side.

Aware of her behaviour each one of the group tried to draw Kara into conversation, but each time she deflected the conversation away from herself, until they eventually decided she just needed to be left alone.

As darkness drew near J'onn, Brainy and Nia started to say their goodbyes to Eliza as Kelly said to Alex.

"I'm going to head back to National City."

"Thank you, for everything."

"When you are ready to talk, I'm here. Until then I will do my best not to psycho analyse you." Kelly smiled before hugging Alex.

"I love you." Alex said clinging to her girlfriend.

"I love you too." Kelly assured her before pulling back. "I'll see you in a few days." She added kissing Alex before getting in the car with the others. She then sadly watched Alex and Eliza from the car window as Kara disappeared into the darkness.

When the car finally disappeared Alex looked at her mother and asked. "Where's Kara?"

Seeing a figure disappear along the beach Eliza said.

"I think she went for a walk. Why don't you go find her?"

"I think I am probably the last person she wants to see right now." Alex said sadly.

"I can imagine what happened back in National City. And if it is bad as I think it was, that is even more reason to go after her."

"Okay." Alex said. "I'll just get changed first." She added knowing she would probably have to jog after Kara.

-00-

"Can I join you?" Alex asked approaching Kara who was sat on the sand a few miles from the house.

"I guess." Kara said looking at the ocean.

"What are you doing all the way out here?" Alex asked.

"Just thinking."

"About?" Alex probed.

"Jeremiah's first funeral. You didn't even want me in the same row of the church as you." Kara recalled. "You probably didn't even want me in the church."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not blaming you." Kara said. "You sat next to me today, so that's progress."

"I am so sorry for what I said."

"Why? You were right. Jeremiah gave himself over to Hank Henshaw to protect me. If it hadn't been for me you would have still had your family."

"Kara you are my family." Alex said. "I know I treat you like crap sometimes, but you will always be my sister."

"But sometimes you wish I weren't. I get it." Kara said. standing and picking up a pebble which she threw out into the ocean. "When I was under the control of the Black Mercy it was my Kryptonian life that I dreamed of, not you or Eliza."

"Wanting your Kryptonian family back made and still makes perfect sense." Alex assured her. "We can never replace your Kryptonian family, but you will always be my sister. I just wish I treated you better. I wish I could promise that I won't lash out at you again, but we both know it would be a hollow promise."

"You have always been there for me." Kara said turning to face Alex. "You have seen me at my lowest points and you have been the light that saved me from the darkness. I wish I could repay that, but you never let anyone help you. The first time Jeremiah died you cut yourself off from everyone. Then after Cadmus you wouldn't talk to any of us. All I wanted to do was stop you doing that again."

"I know. And I shouldn't have lashed at you."

"It's your way of grieving." Kara said throwing another pebble, which disappeared into the darkness before hitting the water.

"That's no excuse." Alex said. "I shouldn't have said what I said. I know you don't believe it, but I didn't mean it."

"I know." Kara said, her voice hollow as she threw another pebble.

"You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. I wish I was a better person. I wish I was as good as you. But I am not. I can never be like you."

"It's not like I can lash out. I mean me losing control isn't going to end well for anyone." Kara pointed out facing Alex.

"You can lash out at me anytime. God knows you have earned that right." Alex offered.

"Last time I did that I broke your arm." Kara reminded her glancing down at the limb.

"Perhaps we should both try to stay away from mind altering substances."

"You are going to give up drinking?" Kara asked incredulously.

"Technically I said try, not do." Alex reminded her. "But if that is what it took for you to forgive me, I would."

"I have forgiven you." Kara said hugging Alex.

"No matter what I say, I will always love you." Alex said clinging to her.

"I know." Kara said, although her words seemed hollow.

"You should get inside, Eliza could probably use the company." Kara said pulling away.

"You not coming?"

"I'm going to keep walking for awhile." Kara explained. Seeing Alex not moving she added. "I just need some time alone to think. I'll be in soon."

"Okay. I'll see you inside." Alex said reluctantly walking off.

-00-

"Everything okay?" Eliza asked when Alex cam back into the house.

"Kara said she's forgiven me." Alex said.

"But?"

"I hurt her so badly. She isn't just going to get over it." Alex explained. "I don't know how to fix things."

"You've fixed things before." Eliza said.

"Well maybe this is the final straw. And what's worse is she thinks I was right with what I said."

"Kara also knows that you love her." Eliza assured her.

"I was so cruel to her." Alex said miserably.

"Kara understands more than anyone what grief feels like. She'll cut you some slack."

"What if she doesn't?"

"Kara knows you. She knows what you are like when you are angry, drunk and upset. Despite that she always puts herself in the firing line. She would rather have you lash out at her than you to be in pain alone."

"She doesn't deserve what I said to her." Alex said. "Every time I use the opportunity to say she isn't really family."

"She knows that's not true."

"Does she?"

"Yes." Eliza assured her.

"What if she can't forgive me?"

"Kara lost Jeremiah again, the last thing she'll want is to lose her sister. But you are going to have to help her."

"How?"

"When you are hurt you lash out, whereas Kara internalises. She tries to act okay but the pain in her heart is obvious. You have to help her let that pain out. It may not be today or tomorrow. But at some stage she'll need you to be there for her, just like you always have."

When Alex nodded Eliza asked.

"So how are you doing with everything?"

"Ignoring my attempt to destroy my relationships with Kara and Kelly, great."

"I know you are the strength of this family, but you don't always have to be. It is okay to not be fine and it is okay to admit that." Eliza said. "He was your father."

"And your husband."

"I said my goodbyes at his first funeral. Even after he came back, briefly, our relationship wasn't what it was, it couldn't be." Eliza said. "But he was always your father and he always loved you."

"I miss him." Alex said a tear rolling down her face. "After we found out he was alive I thought we could get him back and be a family again. But now-"

"Come here." Eliza said hugging Alex.

-00-

"Kara?" Alex asked when Kara flew through the bedroom window a few hours later.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Kara said.

"You didn't. I was waiting up for you." Alex said sitting up in the bed.

"Is Eliza okay?" Kara asked.

"I think she is doing the best of all of us." Alex commented.

"And you?" Kara asked.

"I just need time."

"Do you want me to go?"

"That's not what I meant." Alex said moving over to Kara. "I'll be okay. Right now I'm worried about you and us."

"I told you we are fine." Kara reminded her.

"And you are useless at lying." Alex countered. "I know I hurt you, I never wanted to. I never want to hurt you. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

"You are the only person who made me feel like I really belonged here." Kara said after a minute. "Last year when you had your memories wiped it was like you were you, but not you. It felt like I lost you and I hated every second of it. I never want to lose you."

"You won't." Alex assured her.

"Maybe I have already." Kara said. "When I was walking I was thinking about all the things we had shared and all the things we hadn't. Like you being gay, but also your grief. I realised you never really talked to me about it."

"You lost everyone and everything that you loved when Krypton died. Complaining about singular losses to you just seems hypocritical." Alex said.

"You can't quantify grief." Kara pointed out.

"Maybe, but none of my losses can ever really compare. Something that I was reminded about on a regular basis." Alex explained.

"I'm sorry." Kara said. "I never wanted to stop you grieving."

"You didn't. It was everyone else. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse." Alex said. She then paused before commenting. "You didn't share any memories about dad earlier."

"You and Eliza had plenty to share." Kara shrugged.

"And the truth?" Alex pressed. "It's because you didn't want me to feel like I had had to share dad with you wasn't it?"

When Kara didn't deny it Alex reminded her. "He was your dad too."

For a moment Kara didn't reply before finally pointing out.

"All your stories were from before I was around."

"That wasn't intentional." Alex said looking guilty.

"I know."

"Kara, I know I can be a complete jerk at times. But I will always love you."

"I know." Kara said hugging her, but again Alex felt the hug was hollow.

-00-

"What's going on?" Eliza asked when she came into the kitchen where Alex was packing a bag.

"Road trip." Alex said putting some more food in the bag.

"Road trip where?" Eliza asked.

"It's a surprise, but you'll need a jacket and some good shoes."

"How about some heathy food?" Eliza asked noticing it was just junk food going into the bag.

"No, it needs to be this." Alex said. "I'll explain why when we get there."

"Get where?" Kara asked walking into the kitchen.

"We are going on a road trip." Alex explained.

"To where?" Kara asked as confused as Eliza.

"You'll see." Alex said.

-00-

Having pulled the car off the road after driving for half an hour, in a seemingly random place Eliza asked Alex.

"So are you going to tell us what's going on?"

"Yesterday we were sharing stories. And there was one I didn't share." Alex said as she got out of the car. "After talking to Kara last night I started wondering why I hadn't shared it. And I think it was because I didn't want to share it with the others. They maybe friends and family, but they are not Danvers. But you are and I wanted to more than share it." Alex said picking up the bag.

"More than share it?" Kara asked confused.

"Yes." Alex said leading them through some bushes.

"And that involved coming here?" Eliza asked.

"Yes." Alex said. "You'll see why soon."

"Any idea?" Eliza asked Kara.

"Nope." Kara replied as confused as Eliza was.

"Wait, I recognise this place." Kara commented as they finally came out of the thick bush and found themselves outside a cave. "This is where you ran away to."

"Ran away?" Eliza asked coming to an abrupt stop.

"After Kara moved in with us, I got curious about her powers." Alex said.

"I remember." Eliza said.

"Around that time your mom got sick and you went to stay with her for a few days. I may have used that as an opportunity to conduct some experiments."

"What kind of experiments?" Eliza asked.

"Not important." Alex said. "But dad came back and lost it with me. It was the first time I had ever seen him angry and I ran away. I made it as far as this cave when a really bad storm started. Knowing I was completely lost and had no plan I just kind of gave up here. Despite the storm and being terrified of thunder, Kara used her powers to find me and brought dad here." Alex said. "When I saw him I started to freak out as I thought he would lose it again."

"And you had a sprained ankle." Kara added.

"That too." Alex agreed, trying to skip over that part before Eliza freaked out. "Kara was freaking out because of the storm and dad just hugged both of us and turned it into an impromptu camping trip. He started a fire right here and spent the night telling us ghost stories as we binged on roasted marshmallows."

"Where did you get marshmallows from?" Eliza asked.

"They were what I grabbed from the kitchen when I left." Alex said.

"I can't believe none of you ever told me."

"Jeremiah said you'd freak out and the last thing he needed was three hysterical women on his hands." Kara recalled.

"Anyway, I thought we could spend the day here eating marshmallows and sharing stories. Together." Alex said looking from Eliza to Kara. While staring at Kara she asked. "What do you think?"

"You had me at marshmallows." Kara said hugging Alex.


End file.
